For the love of calm

For the love of calmness and clarity taking a break has really become my thing. I’m slowing down to live in the moment. I say this all the time, Like an affirmation that has to be repeated. I watch the minutes tick by. I’ve stopped the habit of thinking about the speed of what those sixty seconds feel like, either they’re too fast or too slow. Instead, I pay attention to the movement of numbers watching them change from arches to angles as I concentrate on the rhythm of my breathing. It’s those single elongated breaths that stop my mind from wandering away from the present. Letting my thoughts pass by me until they slow down to nothingness.

The race of 100 thoughts per minute is over. Gone are the days of quickly eliminating negative thoughts. The more I tried to diminish them the longer they lingered. Through the advice of motivational speeches on I am not my thoughts and my thoughts don’t control me, I’ve come to let them be. They’re only here temporarily, so I can let these unwanted visitors pass by calmly without the entertainment they’re expecting. Not wanting negativity to carve its mark, fly a flag or have an internal battle named after it.

I was in Waterstones yesterday scanning each cover on the shelf. One book that I picked up was Women Who Think Too Much. I didn’t carry it over to the counter not wanting to over pollute my thoughts over the one subject. Though I was still tempted to open the book and skim through as many pages as I could while it was firmly in my hands. At random, I read one paragraph and took away with me this single sentence “was proactive in stopping her (overthinking) descent by stepping away from her thoughts and getting active”. Like a melody, I repeated, “stepping away from her thoughts” to myself.

I am a great believer that I am the director of my emotions, I just need to remind myself every morning.

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