Diary of a (taking back my energy) re-energiser

There was once a time I never understood why I felt energetically drained at particular places and around certain people. A while back when social events became popular through Eventbrite and other similar websites. I would receive a WhatsApp message from my friend, sharing a link to an event, with a short and precise note right underneath saying “let’s go”. With a quick check of my phone calendar, a glance over my work rota and seeing a blank spot, I’d reply “plus one me”. RSVPed and on the guest list. I’d scan my wardrobe for the right fit. Of course, I wanted to look presentable. I couldn’t wear my everyday garb. On the day of the event(s). In my elegantly black outfit, I’d spend extra time glamming up. Putting in the effort with my hair. Ensuring my makeup blended nicely and the liner glided on sleekly. My friend and I would meet up in a coffee shop an hour early. Just as we had planned. We’d laugh over our hot beverages, excited to see how the rest of the day would pan out. Always thinking positively and hoping for the best. Though there would be a subconscious thought lingering somewhere in the far background. 

Good mood tick, good dress tick, good company tick.

One tick would fall straight off my internal checklist, within fifteen minutes. I’d enter through the doorway(s) with enthusiasm and leave hours (or less) later feeling depleted. The contrast raised a few questions for me. I’d turn to my friend and tell her how I felt and she’d reply “me too”. Why? Was it because I was an introvert? It couldn’t be, well not all the time. I began to look explore all the reasons, not pausing until I found an answer. I spoke to more friends about feeling exhausted in certain situations. It turned out a couple felt the same way. One friend, however, made a mention of energy. The word struck me so hard I had no choice but to consult Google and solve my puzzle. 

Through my delvings, I discovered there’s a name for something or someone that punctures your energy. They’re called “energy vampires”. At first, it sounded like a name out of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. However, I read on with all seriousness. Nodded and gasped at almost every sentence. Pairing the words to past experiences. I thought back to all the times my energy suffered when people (just like vampires) fed off it. They did so by bringing their negativity and toxicity to my table. Unknowingly and unwittingly I let them . 

Since learning about this term and experiencing it first-hand, it’s become my intuition’s job to identify if someone is fatiguing my energy. It’s not the fang’s I have to look out for. Alarm bells begin to ring when certain behaviours are picked up. A bright signage with ABORT boldly written on it switches on in my mind. A common habit amongst energy vampires is that they exalt their life, empty out their emotional baggage into your ear and hang up without giving you any room to get a word in apart from hello.

Breathe, no seriously, just take a deep breath. Through the practice of self-care, meditation and reading I’m able to build a protective shield around my aura to defend it and get my vibe back on track. Being present and becoming aware of my energy allows me to pinpoint certain triggers.

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