Now if life came with a pause button, there’s no knowing how many times I would press it. I’d carry it around like a lucky charm and wholeheartedly use it with complete conviction from dawn to dusk, wearing off the buttons faint lettering until they can barely be seen. I would excuse myself from the chaos of life and settle into a quiet corner of a floral park, that feels like I’m hours away from the restless city roads. When we’re really just separated by a tall lean fence. I’ll stop listening to the second’s tick by and will pay attention to the rhythm of my heartbeat as it coincides with my breath in joint harmony. My mind won’t drift away, hidden behind a fog of lingering thoughts. Rather I will mindfully feel the warmth of self-compassion as one does when they embrace themselves. It’s me, myself and I against the outer stresses.
Self-kindness doesn’t have a complicated formula, as seen scribbled on to a maths class blackboard. It’s a whole lot of understanding, respect, love, patience and appreciation for oneself. Holding my own hands, speaking compassionately and telling myself “it will be ok” when the going gets tough, just as I would with any friend. I will invest all the time I need to recharge my batteries. That can mean spending the afternoon (if need be) drinking hot chocolate in Regents Park, as I sit on a bench facing the pond and watch the swans glide placidly by, whilst breathing in the aura of fresh flowers. It can be lighting a scented candle in the evening that moderately smells of my favourite fragrance. Or, to share a conversation with my nearest and dearest, that brings out nothing but laughter from either side of the phone call. I can continue adding to my list, but then I’ll be here for hours, believe me, it’s a never-ending one. I hardly follow bullet points, as I go with what feels right to my inner-self. Each advice given through various online sources are always stored into two categories, I do that or I’ll give that a try. Tweaks to the routine are always welcome
Waking up each morning I habitually reach for my phone to check the time. There are days when I enter my password and at instinct instead of clicking on Instagram (which I uninstall on most days, now that I can upload pictures straight from my laptop) I aim for YouTube and search through my subscribed list of motivational videos. Each video is embedded with a strong message, one that sticks to my subconscious mind for days to come. I caught myself rewriting what I had heard from a speech the night before as I messaged a friend. It may sound like a small thing but to me it was a triumph, pull out the trumpet moment. My subconscious mind is finally in full swing of something better than a whole load of no’s and you can’t do that.