Every post that I have written recently has felt like a complete achievement. Seeing as I love to celebrate small wins I’ll take this as one and celebrate with what I can, ahem, chocolate. My motivation got fed up with me worrying about the future, packed some of its bags and walked out the door. Come back is all I can say as I put together a cluster of words to get me going. I know my recent blog posts haven’t been the same. But they’re there for me to edit at a later date when my motivation and will to be creative returns with a loud banging noise on the door, forget using the doorbell, this knock needs to be heard, loud and proud.
After a while I stopped with the thought “I’m not motivated enough” and asked myself “when was the last time you took a break?” Honestly, I had no real answer. Instead more questions like “when am I not working?” popped up. The query unloaded a cycle of never-ending explanations, such as when I’m not at my day job, I’m either drafting a blog post or taking part in an art brief and when I’m away from either of the two I’m thinking about ideas. I never really gave myself a “break”. I was always glued to either a project or a screen. There was no moment to switch off and focus on me. And, finally, I burned myself to the point where I had run out of the motivation fuel. I made the error of keeping busy all the time to distract myself from things that were/ are currently worrying me. I was trying to run and hide from thoughts rather than tackling them.
Here’s what my silence taught me you are not your thoughts. Understand the pattern and let them go. Don’t try to hide, hide and seek only continues on.