Diary of a deep (I am enough) thinker

The other day I was jotting down the negative thoughts that had me feeling down. I couldn’t bear to hold them in any longer or share them with anyone, out of the worry of being judged or told I’m overreacting. Alone I could justify my blue mood. I wrote down what I felt at that very moment and surprisingly once I finished I had covered two sides of an A4 piece of paper. Everything I had written wasn’t solely based on my down feelings but also on my gratitude. My Gosh, that would have been an unload of a mass of emotions, even for me. I began by saying how grateful I was for my strength and not falling prey to negativity, followed by the messy part. The thoughts written were mine in the making, but they had been instilled into me by external sources, behaviours and chatter by others, so I can’t take all the credit there. I realise I wouldn’t be feeling the low thoughts had I not been surrounded by those who willingly look down or abash people for their own entertainment. Amusing for some but not for everyone. 

Writing these feelings down on the spot helped release many negative emotions, before they could ignite a mind-map of overthinking. Seeing the words I felt written in quick scribbled handwriting in some ways put me at ease. Pleased I could identify what was going on in my mind and to do it through such a simple and solo practice. Writing things down really helps me to analyse my overblown thoughts and put things into better perspective. I can see where I’m being silly and where I’m not. I can laugh at my silliness, whilst validating my feelings. As the words spilled out I gradually felt my good self again and was in a much better mood, as if the blues never reached me. 

Feeling contentment, I wrote about my desires. How I came to this topic, no idea but glad I did. My purpose in life isn’t to poke fun at anyone’s expense just to make them laugh, but to put a genuine smile on someone’s face by making them feel good about something, anything. That simply for me is enough. I ended my “write it out and let it go” (no idea what else to call it) jottings with I am happy and grateful I am enough, in fact, I’m more than enough and meant every word of it. 

Just as fate was listening to me, I was approached by a lady who wanted someone to speak to and to share a bad service she had experienced. As we talked for a little while, I saw her face brighten. She told me she was feeling a lot better and was glad to have spoken to someone about how she felt. Aside from her gratified words, her eyes filled with comfort, she smiled as we said our goodbyes and parted ways. This really touched my heart.

I too smiled at fate and silently said thank you, for letting my written word come true so promptly. 

I am enough.